Look at you sitting there, judging me. Go look in the mirror. WE ALL SAID LUCAS AND RUBEN WERE CERTAINTIES. You can't be judging me. Imma judge you right back. What a first night! We were all worried for Mo and that he might be potentially eliminated, but he came out to start proceedings, sat there with that smug confidence on his face, did what Mo always does, and proceeded to put on a clinic. I bet if the volume was turned up, you would hear his mum saying, "Just hurry up and win. You have studying to do" One of my other favourites Mini was next, and he came out with a carbon copy performance. I mean, you can do worse in Clash than emulate Mo. It was Captain Morts of the USS Enterprise who first got our arse cheeks quivering after dropping his opening battle against Kodigo.
At the end of the day, when Andrew was interviewing him, I was hoping he would ask the Captain, "What's it like having sex with a green alien with three boobs?" Captain Morts knows. Trust me on this. He has boldly gone where no man has ever gone before. On a serious note though, the interview gave us a great insight into Morten's thinking. Yesterday I talked about how he might be carrying the luggage from his history, but his clinical responses showed us that he isn't. He knew, a few seconds into one of his battles, that he was going to win. Captain Morts is switched on and a serious threat to win the whole damn thing. At this stage I was three from three in my predictions, and it should have been four from four, but I broke one of my cardinal rules of tipping... NEVER WRITE OFF A CHAMPION. Lciop is a champion. He just keeps producing when it matters and he took his understudy Higher apart. At one stage during the second battle, he knew it was over. He took a deep breath to refocus and remind himself to do what he needed to do and he would be moving into the next round. I just wrote a joke about Peng Shuai, but I am a lot more mature these days and decided not to run with it. Okay, I'm thinking about it. Time will tell. My big dark horse Viper got knocked out by Hajime, but I knew as soon as the battles began that he was going to lose. Poor Viper looked to be concentrating too hard whereas Hajime was the complete opposite. He looked totally cool, calm and collected throughout the battles, almost like a statue. The look on his face, much like Mo, said, "I've got this under control". He didn't even flinch after losing the second battle. The guy has ice running through his veins.
Next up it was Egor, fresh from a visit to Lapokati's hairdresser. Guriko took it right up to him, but in the end, class prevailed. The good news is that Egor looked invested. That's bad news for everybody else, because a switched on Egor is a very, very dangerous commodity. Look, it's no secret that Bobtherock and I have had a toxic love affair going for a while now, but last night, he just took it too far. Imagine hating me so much that you would use my beloved Golem and then deliberately lose an easy match up just to get at me. It didn't end there though. He paid me a visit on Twitter...
Now, when I read that, I don't know what to think. Bobbo has some weird friends. This much I know... If my dad took a shit all over the bathroom walls, my first instinct wouldn't be to seek out the nearest albino to confide in, but hey, cultures are different and maybe that's just normal to the Dutch. Oh, the game play! Right, I forgot about that. My summation is simple: Sammy looked like the class act he has always been in CRL and Bobbo brought his Misfits form and self analysis after a few bongs. He just doesn't cut it when it matters the most. The Japanese players are everywhere in these world finals, like Omicron will be soon, so make sure you're jabbed. With their fortunes split so far, the next player up from the greatest CR nation was KK. Now I'm far from being any kind of expert analyst, and nor do I know if Surg's deck was more suited to triple, but it definitely felt like KK lost the plot in that final minute of the deciding battle. His body language certainly seemed to suggest so. I know it's no consolation to the poor lad, but I do this every second game. I can relate, so my heart goes out to him. Credit to Surg though, he stuck at it and the gods smiled on him. Speaking of gods, I think sweet baby Jesus decided to take his coffee break during the next match and left poor Lucas to his own devices. In a perfect world, if you had asked me what I wanted from this first day, my answer would have been, "3M all win and Lucas gets knocked out by Golem" Now I wish I had added "...and then Mila Kunis visits me in my bedroom", because they all came true. I'm an atheist with a scientific background, but I do not wish ill upon anyone. It is obvious that Lucas is battling some demons, and if he gets carried by his faith, I'm glad it works for him. I gotta be honest. I may have dozed off prior to this, but I woke up after this match to my inbox filled with almost identical messages... "OMG, Lucas is out and he lost to Golem" Protip: Never mess with karma. What about the Handsome Anaban though? Let's give him his some credit. These wins were no flukes. He played some excellent Clash. We, the Golem Brotherhood, would like to officially invite Hasiel into our family despite the fact that he also played Xbox. I want you to remember this next statement: Line continues to perform at his best in the biggest individual tournaments. That's why I tipped him to beat Airsurfer. Although he might be out, at least Jack got to show off some of his vintage furniture. I loved this match because it felt like I was watching an episode of Antiques Roadshow. There's a scene in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy's house lands on the Wicked Witch of the East, killing her. Then all the munchkins appear and begin singing, "Ding dong, the witch is dead. Ding dong, the witch is dead". I can't help but feel that at one stage last night, we all turned into munchkins and began singing, "Ding dong, Anaban is out. Ding dong, Anaban is out". Oh well, at least he can switch his focus back to sniping on ladder and getting those pseudo finishes which over-inflate his actual ability. These finals were obviously at a bad time for Pandora. He was halfway to getting dressed for a wedding when he had to play his match against Michy. It didn't matter though, when it came to the deciding battle, his coach asked him, "Do you want to win this?", and in the spirit of the day, Pandora replied, "I do". Unfortunately Michy had other ideas and the marriage between Pandora and the World Finals ended in a very sad divorce. This match highlighted something which I think is an inherent problem in CR. Cycle decks are heavily favoured in triple as opposed to heavier decks which have to build a push to get through. I think an additional minute of double elixir might balance this out. I was really hoping for a Cinderella story with Keefy. I really wanted to jump on this massive underdog bandwagon. Sadly, it wasn't to be. He put up a brave performance, but in the end, Sandbox and his giant Supercell dildo prevailed. The Grampa team took another hit in the next battle too as Wallace overcame Famous Kid. To rub salt into the wound, Gromit clinched the rubber with Kid's favoured Egiant. This card certainly seems to be doing well in comp, and you know what that means... They'll nerf it again even though it is hardly as dominant on ladder. Such is the misfortunate life of us beatdown players. Framsito beating Ruben might have been the biggest shock of the day, but I'll tell you what didn't shock me about this battle. The fact that Fram dyes his hair blonde so he looks like a member of the Hitler Youth. He obviously hates anything black, even the rug on top of his head. I really, really hope the Gods give us a Fram vs Surg knockout match at some stage. OMG, I would eat so much popcorn during that one. Any great night has to have some drama and tragedy, and we got it in the next match. It was between Reichert and, I think, Mugi. I couldn't really tell because of the most perfect bowl haircut in the entire history of mum's giving their kids a trim. I struggle to recognise people from just a glimpse of their chin. Let's forget what happened with the card repeating which ended the dream for the German, and let's instead focus on what happened afterwards. I'm talking about this...
Man, I just have so much respect for the poor guy. I know if this had happened to some of the other competitors, there would have been blood and tears spilled all over the CR social media. Instead, Reichert showed all the class in the world and took it on the chin. **************************************************************** POINTS OF DISCUSSION I think have a sudden death elimination day added to the hype and drama. Sure, we lost some of the great players, but the tension is what made the viewing more compelling. Including champions was a good choice. I mean, how can you not get excited when Golden Boi unleashes a chain longer than the Great Wall of China? Of course Archer Queen was as predominant as we expected, but Skeleton King, a supposedly weak champ, spent the whole night collecting souls, both in the arena and those of the players he beat. We got through without any glitches. There were no technical glitches in the coverage and also none in the arena, at least that I saw. Let's hope our good fortune continues, but I wouldn't bet on it. Finally, I appreciate that my initial preview got so many reads. It makes the time I put into these things worthwhile, and I find it very satisfying when people say they got a good laugh out of my blog. So, as always... Thanks for reading, Gramps.