A REALITY CHECK FOR MYSELF.

Over the past 24 hours, events on Reddit, and subsequently Twitter, have made me ask myself the question, "What in the fuck are you doing, Gramps" It began when I tried to make a post on Reddit to promote 'CRL with THE LADS'. The show itself was born out of a blog I posted here entitled, "Why I hate CRL pros". The topic of that blog dealt with the lack of self promotion from those involved in CRL. I decided to put my money where my mouth is and created 'CRL with THE LADS'. I wanted to demonstrate what could be done. I also did it because I simply love both the game and CRL. I enjoy watching players I know. I want SSG to win and I feel the same feelings during one of their games that I do when I watch my regular sports teams. I admit that I did not know about Reddit's rules regarding self promotion. However, after the mod AVG deleted it, I read it back and thought, "How in the fuck is this self promotion?". As far as I am concerned, I'm promoting CRL. The fact that you can get information about this promotion via me does not make it self promotion. If we jump forward in time for a moment, I heard shit like "These mods work hard as volunteers" Well, since starting LADS, my time has been consumed by it. The pros are actually pains in the ass when it comes to answering DMs. Without getting into too much detail, it hasn't been easy. I'm also a volunteer. I do not accept donations or subs on my stream. My motivation is as explained above and nothing else. I don't give a shit about clout in the CR community. I've had 500k followers on facebook for my "antics" and I'm over that life. I got bored with it almost 10 years ago. If I wanted to build the Grampa brand, I'd do it properly and make sure I started earning those $$$$$. Those involved in the show, the likes of Diputs and Thunder, can attest to the fact that after our first episode, I volunteered to step aside and let them run it, now that I had shown what could be done. They told me to stay because they needed a moderator. So going back to where we were. I do not want to tell the whole story again, step by step. To put it in a nutshell, I saw the actions of a Nazi mod and decided to call him out on it knowing full well I would get banned. Sorry, but I'm old school. Fuck your cancel culture, and fuck people who hide behind the banner of "I'm a hard working volunteer". In my world, you're accountable, just like the rest of us. Being a volunteer does not give you a free pass to be a dick, or to be free of scrutiny. I also got annoyed at having that "mental health" line thrown at me. I don't want to function in a world where someone can take a position open to scrutiny, but then you can't scrutinise them because they might feel like putting their head in an oven. I'm not going to begin every conversation I have with, "Are you mentally stable?" The only time mental health should be a concern is when: a) the target has shown signs of instability b) the attack is unprovoked, because that is bullying. There's so much more to that story, but I'm not going to tell it again here, as I said. The details are on Twitter. Lets get back to answering the question I asked myself. What I am doing here is breaking all the rules I have taught myself and my son over the years. I just spent 2 hours justifying my actions to random pixels. I placed value in the opinions of people who are nothing to me and I responded to them in order to protect myself. That's not what I am about. I teach my kid to invest his emotions into people who matter, his friends, his family, and not internet pixels. I broke that rule today. It's a rule I haven't broken since about 2007 when I was still learning how the internet works. So, in answer to "what the fuck are you doing?", I don't like what I'm doing. I invested myself in CR because I love the game, but that investment has no pay-off for me. The deeper I go, the more stupidity I will encounter, and as I often tell those around me, I have very little tolerance for stupid people. You are fucking up the world. I've realised that I can't fix CR, I can't fix Reddit, and I certainly can't fix stupidity. Thus, I'm walking away. I'm going to invest my energy into something more fruitful. The show will go on if the boys want to keep it going, but I'm sliding out of it and sliding out of my Twitter "life". So I guess this is kinda a goodbye. I don't want to do a whole list of goodbyes because I will forget people and offend them, but just a couple need a mention. To SML...you have been nothing but supportive of me from the day you first sent me a DM. You are the most genuine person I have met in this entire journey. Always willing to help, always prepared to put yourself out for others. I know you get frustrated with me, in that you feel I could do so much more in this scene if only I were prepared to change my ways, and language, but as I have said to you many times, that will never happen. I have to call things as I see them, and if that includes calling someone an "elite level mental midget", that is what is going to happen. I wish you all the best with RoyaleAPI because, put simply, it is far and away the best data and statistical service in the game. To all the other "somebodies" in the community, pro players like AC and Rf, who took the time to talk to a random old man from Australia, thanks a lot. I'll still be watching your progress. Same with Dip and Thunder, my 2 short-lived cohorts in LADS. I hope you keep it going. Finally, to the 700 mental people who followed me on Twitter, especially those who read and like every post. You know who you are and I know who you are. I aimed to bring discussion, humour and a dash of toxicity to my Tweets. I hope that is what you got out of them. For the last time, thanks for reading, Gramps.