GRAMPA GAMING MATCH REPORT #4

Our fixture vs AL Paradox turned out to be a bigger debacle than 2020 itself. It began on our side when Lil' Gramps tried to inform me that Washed Seb's actual name is Sam. I know my boy isn't a rocket surgeon, but this lack of intelligence is concerning. To make matters worse, we went to clear the matter up with Washed Seb, and get this... HE TOO DOESN'T KNOW HIS OWN NAME. I am going to have to reconsider the line-up for next season because it doesn't sit well with me that the smartest player on my team, apart from me, is someone called Meathead. Anyway, we turn up to the match as scheduled and then our opponents want to reschedule because one of their guys is having connection issues. This is very common in Australia with our archaic and fucking useless National Broadband Network. Fuck you, Steven Conroy. Fuck you, Malcolm Turnbull Why we allowed a former Brit into our parliament is beyond me, and then he introduced this useless and overpriced turd to deliver our internet service. I would NEVER EVER EVER work or play in any capacity with a former Brit. Alas, we couldn't find a time to suit both teams so we decided to go ahead and let our opponents use the only 2 players they had. Now that we were into the business end of our 4 game season, we decided to retain a settled line up. Washed Seb and Meathead in the 2v2, Lil' Gramps in the 1v1, and myself waiting patiently in KOTH, like the lovechild of Wings and Sammy B. I guess we kinda had home ground advantage because the location of this game was in a clan called "MeatheadnSeb". At least someone knows Seb's name. By this stage of the season, word of Grampa Gaming had circulated through all of CR's circles and so a large army of pro players, probably looking for a contract, had turned up to watch. They were privy to some of the finest 2v2 play seen in the short history of the game. Everybody who was fortunate enough to witness the first match got to see the final outcome of 15 mins training in the Grampa Academy For Finessing Enthusiasts (GAFFE) Our boys, running double RG vs bait with Pekkas and building, finessed the fuck out of their opponents. It made my right testicle swell with pride to watch them defend an enormous onslaught of pressure before clinching the win. Even St Belikin, who was in our VC, let out a squeal reminiscent of porn star Daniella Rush, in that 2018 classic, '2 Cocks in the Same Hole'. I'm not sure how Beli knew the sound one makes when a second penis enters one's orifice, but he nailed it. With us 1-0 up in sets, this is where things got really messy. Firstly Lil' Gramps was woeful in 1v1. His heroics from the previous match were quickly forgotten. You're only as good as your last game, so as it stands right now, LG sucks dog's balls as a CR player. The less I say about his vomit inducing performance, riddled with excuses, the better. Following this, one of their players decides to go AWOL and they are down to one. Some people are simply about winning and would enjoy the forfeit, but at Grampa Gaming, we much prefer to play the game and mock our opponents. In the hope of doing this, I offered the other team Thunderstruck and St Belikin. Sure, these guys weren't from the absolute top shelf of CRL players, but they knew a thing or two about the game.

At first their solo survivor was happy, but then I think he read our line-up for KOTH and realised he would be facing Gramps first cab off the rank. His reaction was swift and immediate. Quicker than Surge can devour a delicious booger, he too quit the clan. It was over. Another win for GG, albeit in the strangest circumstances, and we marched into the finals tonight undefeated. With nobody left to battle, we decided to play some "friendly" battles against our CRL visitors where Lil' Gramps then proceeded to annoy poor ol' Thunder with some BM despite having a 100-0 MU against a meme deck. He brought shame to the family. Tonight we face AL Josh, so good luck to all involved.