HOW TO WIN THE INTERNET

If you read the title and immediately thought, "Awesome, here's something I want to learn", then you've come to the right place. The reason you've come to the right place is because you're a moron. The title is clickbait. The internet cannot be won. Every day millions of people online go into battle with each other. They will argue over politics, gaming, any topic, and inevitably this argument will develop into a slinging match of crappy insults. Most of them generic, and being said at the same time by all the other millions of idiots also arguing online. Why does this happen? Firstly, about 65% of humans are completely stupid. That should explain the majority of cases. The other problem is that many people do not go into any form of discourse with an open mind. They believe their opinions are more important than facts. Lets categorise them with the stupid people. So now we have about 85% of people wasting their time. Finally we have the people like you who just want to win. There is a strange phenomenon which occurs on the internet. Unlike real life, in the e-world, it is seen as some form of embarrassment to be wrong and learn something new. The reason people have this feeling is because, like you, they believe the internet can be won. Thus they do not want to lose. So now we have about 99.8% of people wasting their time online. As comedian Ronny Chieng recently said of the internet, "Who would have thought that the complete sum of human knowledge is making people more stupid?" As you can see, the internet is filled with people sharing worthless pixels driven by their equally worthless emotions. Imagine being in a facebook group of 300 people, of which 15 members are still active, and arguing with someone over politics until you begin abusing the other person. As this situation unfolds, each person feels like all the other people are reading the argument to see who "wins". They're not. They don't give a shit. The feeling of winning is very much a personal experience. The funny thing is, each person will share their generic material, and then both parties will walk away feeling like they've won. Then, 15 minutes later, they will repeat this behaviour with someone else. If you want to "win" online, don't bring your emotions to the internet. Do this and you will save yourself experiencing worthless feelings as you share worthless pixels with the e-world. Many people will say to me, "Yeah but, Gramps, I don't care" I have been online for about 15 years, and in that time, I can count on my fingers the number of people I've met who really don't care. The truth is that those who tell you they don't care, actually care the most. That's why they tell you... They care what you and the other pixels are thinking of them. When I don't care, I just go about my business of not caring. My actions do not belie my words. Think about it logically. Why do you give a shit what Bob the farmer from Iowa thinks of you? You are putting value on something completely worthless. I only care what my son, other family, and good friends think of me. Bob can think whatever he wants. Next time you go online, practise this. Approach an argument with zero emotion. When you realise the other person just wants to win, do the opposite.

You will find it incredibly empowering, and in this light, you will observe the strange but repetitive behaviours of those trying to win. For example, do you know what the biggest lie told on the internet is? A: "lolololol", or variations thereof. You see, a person who invests their emotions online, a person who cares what the other pixels are thinking, that person will lie to give the impression they are having a good time. Think about it. I'm sure you've seen them in action. You've probably done it yourself. "Lmao, ur an idiot lololololololol" They love their happy face emojis too. All to try and convince their imaginary audience that they're having a good time. Once you harness the power of an emotion free internet, you will understand how Grampa operates online. As soon as I see the other person is trying desperately to win, I am going to completely ignore the argument and start getting into their fragile and emotionally invested mind. If I cannot have decent discourse with them, I might as well play with them. You're either the victim, or you know the internet cannot be won. Your choice.