PARENTING: THE TOUGHEST JOB IN THE WORLD

Two things caught my eye on Twitter yesterday. I'm sure you've all seen the viral Quaden Bayles bullying video. As that story unfolds, it is beginning to stink of parental exploitation of their son and his disability. Don't get me wrong. What we saw on that video was very real. Even DeNiro at 9 couldn't have pulled off a performance like that. Quaden was hurting, but who is really responsible for this boy's pain? A lot of emerging evidence suggests the mother encourages an attitude which makes Quaden unpopular at school. If this is true, how awfully tragic. The second story comes from within our own little CR community. I read the Tweet posted in the pic by Dandelion and immediately felt for the lad. Imagine being forced to give up your dreams or your parents. Having been placed in a similar situation myself at a young age, I know how horrific it feels. In both situations we appear to have kids impacted by the horrible actions of their parents. There is one thing of which I am certain. The force which drives these parents to act in such a manner is identical in both cases. That force is love. You meet someone, you fall in love, you have a baby, and you feel a love you have never experienced before in your life, even for the person you bred with. Now you have to be a parent to this person you just made. Alas, the only thing which followed out your child was the placenta. There was no instruction manual. I even stuck my hand in and had a rummage around to make sure it didn't get stuck. You are left to your own devices and experiences to make the world the best possible place for your little person (not a dwarfism pun) I feel like Yarraka Bayles, Quaden's mother, thinks she is doing the best for her son. To begin with, they're Aboriginal, so already they have to deal with racism, both historical and present day. Obviously I don't know the family personally, but I would guess there's a strong "us versus them" mentality in Yarraka. The pics and videos we've seen suggest she's trying to show Quaden that he can be rich and successful like a "normal" person, but he must take on the world to do so. They are taking on the world instead of embracing it. This will not end well. In the case of Dandelion's mother, she obviously just wants what is best for her son, and she believes she knows what is best... "You can't be playing games, you have to focus on school and a career" My father thought the same way. He didn't adapt to a changing world. He forced me to live his life, as it was for his generation, till I finally rebelled. I vowed never to be the same parent. My responsibility is to help Lil' Gramps become his own person, and I have to give him the tools to help him make good choices. My responsibility is NOT to make those choices for him. As hard as it can be sometimes, I have to allow him to make bad choices so that he fails and learns from them. I cannot and shouldn't hold his hand through life. Be a mentor, not a boss. In both cases, I think it should be obvious now that the motivation is love. Who would have thought that loving your child with all your heart could negatively impact them? Despite the lack of an instruction manual in the uterus, you do actually have a subliminal one which comes from your own life, and that is the best tip I can give you for when you become a parent one day: Remember your own experiences as a child, how you felt at times and in situations, and allow those experiences, feelings and situations to guide you.