THE NIGHT HISTORY WAS MAKE - THE DEBUT OF GRAMPA GAMING

2020 will be a year never forgotten in human history for many reasons. The Rona changed the way we live, then the Pentagon admitted there might be aliens, and the issue of racism exploded across the globe after the tragic murder of George Floyd. Tonight, August the 4th, 2020, there was another historic event. The debut of Grampa Gaming. This team was compiled after much serious contemplation by myself and thoughts like, “I should make a team”. My first move was a mistake. I decided to tell Lil’ Gramps that I was making the team. Then he hit me with, “Can I play?”. This put me in a spot, because I wanted good players, but apparently, as a father, I am supposed to show love towards my child. Personally, I am not a fan of nepotism, but since I did not buy him a birthday present, I thought letting him play would clear that debt. As the league was purely for Australian players only, it became a struggle to find other great players to compliment my skills. I began to panic as the commencement of the league drew closer. I do my best thinking either on the toilet or when walking along the beach. It was on one of these walks that I almost tripped over the body of a washed former CRL player lying in my path. It was SB. Although his mediocre best is well past him, I thought he might still have a couple of wins left in the system, so I lured him into the team with a lie about giving him some Cheese Supreme Doritos. We now had 3 and just needed the final ingredient for our delicious CR recipe. This is how we decided to add young Lachlan. He’s a meathead, and every good recipe in my vegan despising palate needs some meat. The team was set and finalized at 11:03pm on a late July winter’s evening. I decided to schedule a practice for 10:30pm that evening, aka, 33 minutes earlier. The boys really enjoyed the already completed session. We learned a lot and bonded like Epstein and other rich and influential people. It was time to fly to Grampa Island for our first battle. Our first victims this evening was a team known as ALS FISHINGHOST. Some of the members knew Lil’ Gramps from playing with him in another team. I secretly hoped they would lure him back. Alas, there was no such talk in the clan chat. Our prep for this first game was to read all the complaints on Twitter about Jonah finishing first on ladder with egolem. Thus, I insisted that our 2v2 duo, SB and Lach, run the big, loveable pink man as a tribute to Twit rage. This Cinderella story began as a pumpkin. Our boys got pumped by some bait garbage and we were down 1-0 in the set. I then made the call which changed the path of this match… “Run it again, and this time ignore their fucking cards, you morons! Just spam!” I was born to lead men, not only by inspiring but with visionary tactics. Quicker than Anaban can have a meltdown, we were back at one all. I can’t remember what happened in that third game because, as Lach informed me, “You can’t share friendlies”* *Seth, Drew, fix this. Friendlies are an important learning tool in the pro scene. Even though I can’t recall the decks my boys used because none of the cards were pink, we won and now lead the match. It was time for Lil’ Gramps to debut as our 1v1 gun. The question was, would he be a 45 Magnum or a Nerf Gun firing foam pellets? This next bit confused me. I did not think there was a person on this planet who did not know that Lil’ Gramps is a golem half trick. He plays one deck only and half as well as it can be played. I was completely shocked when his opponent said, “I ban poison”. This extreme good fortune reminded me of the time I ran into a hottie at the bar and she said, “I like older, chubby men”. To the surprise of nobody except his opponent, Luka ran the golem deck he had used in his previous 47,447 games and, I have to be honest, impressively dissected the egolem hut deck of his no idea banning opponent. In our chat before his next battle, I kindly reminded him that he is supposed to be running egolem. He did and was completely blown off the park. 1-1 and time for the decider. It takes a lot to get me to praise my child. I don’t like just throwing it out there, Kids should always earn praise so it has meaning. Lil’ Gramps, aka, Luka, earned my praise in that deciding battle. I thought he would go back to his traditional deck, but in a completely fearless and meme-ing move, he ran some 5.1 garbage with Giant Skelly, Witch and Wizard, amongst things. His opponent was completely bewildered, befuddled and bemused by the cards coming at him. Luka ran a Forrest Gump deck, and as his mother used to say, “CR is like a box of chocolates, you never know which card your mental opponent is going to play next”. It was done and dusted. Grampa Gaming had begun its illustrious career with a win, but not just any win, a win with true Grampa style. If we keep this up, I might learn to like these kids.